Friday Funny Fiction #10

Take a look at Friday Funny Fiction #1 for the rules of this game!


The sun was way too bright for vampire spelunking.
The vampires quickly retreated into their caves. Larry, unfortunately, was too slow and vaporized into a cloud of gas.
"That was close," one of the vampires said. "He even vaporized Larry. We need to avoid Apollo."
Apollo listened from behind a corner, plotting their death.
After a few moments, Apollo stepped out of the corner, shocked to see Zeus staring at him. Apollo dropped his machine gun on his foot and began hopping around in pain. "Ow! Ow!"
Zeus raised one grey eyebrow.
"Dad. Father. Sir. What do you want?"
"I want you to stop throwing thunderbolts everywhere!"
"I can't, I'm trying out for Dragon Ball Z! Gotta learn how to destroy planets."
And the world ended. The End.


On April 4, 1914, a famous entrepreneur is found dead in a locked room. Beside him are a grandfather clock and a bitter panther.
The panther is covered in sparkling dust and wears a blood-red crown. The panther personally thought he was fabulous. Nothing beats the remains of your enemies for a stylish crown.
So the panther made a King's cloak out of the skins of his enemies' carcasses and paraded around in it with the crown.
Until a hunter came and slayed the panther and made a coat out of his skin.
The panther's cousins all leaped out of the trees at once, pouncing on the hunter, but they were not smart enough to realize that there was a wall of thick glass separating them.
The hunter looked at his sister, Kelly, and said, "They don't understand they're in a zoo, do they?"
She sighed. "I don't think so."
The End

Friday Funny Fiction #9

Check out Friday Funny Fiction #1 to learn how to play this game!


And in the end there was death. That's all I remember.
The end. That's all, everything that came before disapeared as suddenly as the end had come. Only the death remained in my memory.
This was the fate of a Time Lord... to see every little thing you love destroyed and decimated... leaving alone once more.
I climbed into my TARDIS and adjusted my deerstalker hat before shedding my long coat and scarf. Poor Watson. He hadn't seen those Weeping Angels coming.
But I couldn't focus on him. The world needs saving. And I'm the only one who specializes in that.
I set out to begin my plans.
Roadtrip, anyone?

Friday Funny Fiction #8 "May the Fourth be With You!"

Look at Friday Funny Fiction #1 for instructions on how to play this game. Enjoy!

"May the Fourth be with you!" my brother shouted.
"Today is May the Sixth, dummy," I sighed.
"Aww, and I was so looking forwards to binge watching Star Trek," he said.
"You mean Star Wars you idiotic heathen! Who in the world mixes up Star Trek and Star Wars! I disown you, you are no longer my son. Leave!"
"But father--" I said.
"I am NOT your father!" Father said. "Not even like Vader was to Skywalker!"
"Don't be like that, Father. I know you love me, just like Anakin's nonexistant father!"
"I love you like ISIS loves the world!" his father said.
"You want to take him over? That's not very appropriate for a dad."
Regardless, the father tried to Jedi-mind-trick take over his son anyways.
"Father, I think you need a psych eval. That only works in movies."

Friday Funny Fiction #7

Though these riddles aren't necessarily humorous, I hope you have fun trying to figure them out! Thanks to Hattie Stuart for riddles 2 and 4!

Riddle #1

My name is Breaker of Stones, Filler of Holes. I am in eyes, in sadness, in joy, in pain. I live high above, and far below. I am the giver of life to all. Who am I?

Friday Funny Fiction #6 (Despite the fact that today is Wednesday...)

For information on how this game is played, check Friday Funny Fiction #1

This is the story of how I died.
It was a perfectly normal day when all of a sudden it started raining up!
Ferdinand was thus optimistically depressed.
His life was full of dramatic mood swings: happy and optimistic to sad and depressed.
"Superlative" was the only word for it. Which was why, when he was given the choice, he just laughed.
He laughed for hours on end like a maniac.
Then forgot why he was laughing.
He laughed so hard he exploded.
His guts and intestines flew everywhere, covering us from head to toe.
However, the murderer exploded into confetti and hubris so there was a happy ending despite the brutal murder.


There once was a frog called Hugo.
Hugo loved playing in the lily pond, eating flies, and plotting world domination.
His most recent scheme was about to be put into action, and his froggy mind was worrying about all the things that could go wrong.
Would he be able to pull it off? Would he fail just because he was a frog? What would happen?
No! He would defeat the hobgoblin, and bring peace to the valley!
And so he did.

Friday Funny Fiction #5

Here is a parody poem written by one of our members, based on the poem "This is Just to Say" by William Carlos Williams. Enjoy, but don't get any ideas!

 

Evil Overlord

by Hattie Stuart

I have pressed

the big red button

on the machine

which said ‘Evil Overlord’s Superweapon’

And which

you were probably

saving

for world domination

Forgive me

I couldn’t help myself

I want

to rule the world too



Friday Funny Fiction #4

See Friday Funny Fiction #1 for how this game is played.

I was in a garden and fairies were surrounding me.
They spun around me, faster and faster. Then I was suddenly small and dainty. I was one of them.
I had become one of SANTA'S ELVES!!!
I now had unlimited access to Santa's Workshop and all the toys within.
I like the fairies better than Santa's Workshop though.
So I decided to try and collaborate with them. Santa didn't like that.
Santa didn't want the elves to collaborate with the human children. So he put everyone on the naughty list.

Friday Funny Fiction #3: Pickles' Progress

Here is a short story written by one of our members. Enjoy!

Pickles' Progress
by A. N. Ominous

            Pickles the dragon lives in the realm of the Magical Dragons, located on the fifth star to the left of Alpha Centauri as viewed from Earth.  Though few men of Earth know of him, all men owe their continued existence to the brave deeds of this little dragon.  To look at him, no person with half a brain would think Pickles is up to snuff for being a hero. Pickles has a noodle-like body which is taller than other dragons but also thinner. He has dark green scales that aren’t even fireproof and a

Friday Funny Fiction #2

View the first Friday Funny Fiction post to learn how this game is played.
This time I have two short stories for you! Enjoy!


Once again, just like every week, there was a gun held to my head.
And once again, I slid a knife out of the braid in my hair and made my escape.
"Finally!" I whispered excitedly. "I can finally get my revenge!"
I had waited for years for this moment, and now my sister's killer was in reach.
I walked into the room with the five suspects-- "One of you poisoned my sister's pink lemonade, and I can prove it!"

Friday Funny Fiction #1

This is an example of a game we play every now and then. Every person has a blank piece of paper. They write down the first line of either a story or a poem, and then pass it to the next person. They then write the next line, then fold down the first line and pass it on again. The idea behind this is that everyone only sees the last line written and have to continue the story off of that.
Here are two poems we once did.

The world spun wildly beneath her feet
As she danced to melody sweet.
But her days were not so sweet as the tune,
The tune that haunted the night, swift and soon,